Aftershave

His aftershave
Still lingers on my clothes
From where we were
Sat so close to each other
Though,
Both within our own comfort zones.

I close my eyes,
Not imaging the man
The scent belongs to
But thinking of you

I breath in

Holding the breath in my chest
just for a few seconds

I breath out
Slowly with a sigh
and a smile dancing
upon my lips.

Suddenly a thought in my head
You never smelt this good!

North East South West

Northern Lights
Southern Days

Eastern Promises

Western Delights

Which way do I head?

Which road should I take?

Which path do I follow?

Where will I make my bed?

I remember

I remember so many things about you.

I remember your voice.
But! I never heard it say goodbye.

I remember your smile.
But! I won't see that again.

I remember your eyes
But! I never saw them when you walked out of my life.

I remember the last words you said to me as you walked away
"Sorry I have to take this call".

I remember so many things about you.
I am just having trouble separating my pain from the hurt.

14th of November 1970 - 36 yrs

1970

14th of November.

36 years ago

my mother gave birth.

36 years ago

I was born.

36 years ago

I was rejected

(for not being a son).

14th November 1970

13 years from that day

I was told

I was not wanted

36 yers ago

They couldn't look at me.

36 years later

we don't speak.

He doesn't want me

Her palm is across the top of her glass
She rests her head onto her perfectly manicured hand
As her girlfriends gather around
And with eyes fullof tears
That would remind you of a misty morn
She simply whispers
Choking back the tears
"He doesn't want me"

Pain

Hot pooling tears
Spill
From
Her eyes

She sits
In
Pain

Every moment
She
Makes
Causes
Discomfort

Purple
Blue
Red
Black

The colours
Bloom
Over
Her body

She stands up
Wiping the tears
From
Her
Eyes

And wonders
Is it
Worth
Saving this
Relationship

Writers block

Do I get writers block
Because I am feeling dead inside?



Do I get writers block
Because I am afraid to express what I am feeling inside?



Do I get writers block
Because I won't let people know me and understand who I am?



Do I get writers block
Because I simply can't think of anything to write?

Green eyed monster

He questions who you are
Jealousy in his eyes
I explain that you are a friend
His eyes narrow
His face questions
Though no words are spoken
He says it's fine
I am allowed friends
As if giving me permission
But I can tell that he is not happy
As he is deceived by his voice

Between the lines

Time moves forward
I stay still
Memories linger
Smiles danced
Moments remembered
Infectious laugh
The sound of your voice
Happiness gained
Simply friends
Over now
Nasty parting

Outward Appearance

I mourn yet I rejoice
Iweep yet I smile.

The Ending

There was something so sad in your face
Your eyes no longer contain their sparkle
I no longer dance in them.

You tell me it's over between us
Hot tears
Collect in my eyes

I look like I have a rain kissed face
As the tears spill forth,
Uncontrollably

Sorrow and pain in my heart
Replaces the love and joy
Held there minutes ago

You reach out to me,
I pull back,
No longer wanting the hands that once loved me
To touch me

I stand up, turn and walk away
You will never know I still love you
Even now, this very day.

Thoughts of you

I linger
On the edge of my dream
So I can spend one more minute with you
As, in my dreams
Distance
Doesn't exist.
We are so close
Close as my next thought or feeling
I wake
You are gone

You are far away
I am so lost

I pull my pillow close
And hug it,
Wishing it was you.

In my cold bed
My heart alone
My body aching
I lie
And think of us.

I dreamt of you last night

While I slept
I dreamt of you
no
not of you
of us

I dreamt I was
Standing in front of you

We were holding
Each
Other
So tight
So close
Never wanting to let go

I could see into you brown eyes
The love still there
After all these years
Reflecting back at me

I dreamt of you last night
Sitting on the grass
With me next to you
Both of us laughing in the sun

I woke,
to find
you were
gone

Tears rolled down my face
The longing for you

too great a pain to tolerate

When I fell asleep again
I found you were still wanting for me
Holding out your arms to hold me
I tell you my love for you will never end

I dreamt of us last night
No!
Not of us
just you

I woke again to find
I am still in love with you
And though you are not here
There is some comfort in knowing
you loved me too.

Care

Thoughts run through my head
As I lie on my bed
Peace and seep
No where to be found
Tonight

Fear and dread
Mix
Together in my head

Worry
Concern

Too far away to help
What can I do from here?

A child
With childhood
Needs
And
Wants

Scared of a world
She doesn't now

She is alone
She is confused

Feeling unloved
Feeling unwanted

Thrown out by her mother
Rejected by her family
For standing up to the
Bully who beats her



Now placed in 'care'
In a place complete
Alien and alone

But!
I hope tonight
As she lies on that bed
She knows
There is one who
CARES

Just One More Time

If I had the chance
To speak to you
Just one more time

I would tell you
How much I love you
How I always will

How sorry I am
For the things
I did wrong

How so very much missed
You are
And how empty
I've become

If I could turn back
Time on itself
I would do
So many things
Differently


Then maybe
Just maybe
You'd still be here
With me

Blink

You are infront of me smiling
I am infront of you smiling

We are reflections of eachother
Creating memories
Storing them somewhere in time

I blink, the image is gone
For it was
a memory from yesteryear

Harsh words vicious tones

Sun has gone
Black velvet has covered

Probing thoughts
Spoken allowed

Harsh words replied
Vicious tones used

Tears then followed
Left in darkness alone

Heart shattered
Does it matter?

No one cares
Who would dare?

A small voice shouts
From the corner of your mind

"You made your bed.
You reap what you sow"

His head is rested
He's fallen asleep

He dreams of what you once dread
When into her arms he once fled

You wish you had the courage
To walk away
But,
Here your kin also lay

Scared of a world
You could command
To be in control
To live your life
To be free

There would be
No more hiding in shadows
Would you dare?
Do you really care?

To be treated this way
You once fought
But now your bones
Are old and taut

Your mind now shattered
A fight you can't win
So once again
You just give in

"I love you", he once uttered
I should of known
Words so easily spoken
are not ever true
For truth stumbles in the throat
When it comes from you.

I was a fool to believe
Those three little words
You whispered to me
so easily deceiving
But never appeasing

You wonder why I question you so
It's because I have seen your heart
And to be truthful, it's far too dark

No love exists
You destroy everything you behold
For once
I wish I had listened to what I was told

A warning to late to heed
Oh how stupid I was indeed.

Tears are flowing
Woo is me
How foolish can one be?

Buzz from the phone

Numbers entered
Phone connects
I hear your voice
what a

B
U
Z
Z

I still get.

Senses

Can I explore

with my hands

with my eyes

with my mouth

with my lips

with my tongue?

Can I use all my senses

Touch, sight, taste, smell and hearing

last night

Last night,
Or,
Should I say this morning?
I was sitting in the garden
There were no stars to look at
To wonder about them in awe
Just grey clouds moving
Weightless in their forever changing way

The peace
The breeze
The stillness
Was
Beautiful
As
It
Surrounded
Me

Warmed by my thoughts
Longing for you.
But,
I could of stayed there for hours
The peace was interrupted
By a text message on my phone
A
N
N
O
Y
E
D
I opened it up
To find it was from you.
You had been thinking about me too
At the same moment I was thinking of you

It made me laugh
Now I have thoughts of you again
Running thru' my head
Joy in my heart
As it skips a beat
And a smile on my face..