Finally Found

I have finally
found it
after crying
over a thousand
tears

I have found
peace after pain

I have found release
and no hurt at
the mention of
your name

I have found
the srengh to move on

Most importantly
I have found
I CAN live
without your love

I CAN be
me again.

music

If my heart is the composser
Beating out a tune
Then you must be the
Melody that made my soul sing
For it's you that adds
the music to my life.

I weep alone

I am alone

Not wanting anyone to see
The tears falling from my eyes

The pain in my heart

You have gone

Never to return

I will miss you

I will weep for you

But

I will weep alone

In silence

Wrapped up in my grief.

(Inspired by Terry Irwin the Widow of Steve 'the croc hunter' Irwin in her interview shortly after his death)

Words that cut

As soon as the words are said
He knows it will cause pain
But he repeat the words
Just so she hears them again

Piercing
Twisting
Stabbing

The words enter her heart
Doing damage
That can never be repaired

Crushed
and
Broken
She falls to the floor

She watches him leave
Closing the door.

If and Why

If loving you was wrong
Why did I want you?
If wanting you wasn't right
Why did I desire you?
If desiring caused me pain
Why did I long to see you again?
If seeing each other again meant we feel in love again
Why was our love so wrong?

Self Abuse

My friend committed suicide recently
Everyone was shocked
Everyone was sad
No-one saw through his happy face
No-one saw the mask

Sometimes in her world
Cruel and horrible things
happen.
When it does she need to bleed

Why do you cut yourself you may ask
She doesn't have one answer
There's a million alas,

But I know today
She is ashamed
She will keep her arms hidden away.

No-one will see through her happy face.
No-one will see her mask.


... dedicated to a friend. Stop now please.

Roller Coaster Love

Dedicated To Emz,



As her slumber fades
And morning whispers to her
Its a brand new day
Her first thoughts are of him
And how cruel it is to
Come back into her life
Saying she still means the same to him.

She reasons
If she meant anything to you
You would either go or stay
As coming in and out of her life
Isn't easy to cope with.
When you go she is full of despair
When you are with her
She wonders when you will leave

She doesn't want a roller coaster love affair.

TIME

Behind me the clock's
beating out every second
of my life that's fading away

TICK

TICK

TICK

Just like an expectant father
who is tied to the phone
waiting for that call

I am waiting,
willing the phone to ring


The clock continues to count out
the minutes of my passing life

Love

It only takes one person for you to find love.

I loved him,
As he loved me.

Some people never find love.

Some people find love many times over
and miss it's true meaning.

But
Truly
Having his love just once
Was enough for me.

Aftershave

His aftershave
Still lingers on my clothes
From where we were
Sat so close to each other
Though,
Both within our own comfort zones.

I close my eyes,
Not imaging the man
The scent belongs to
But thinking of you

I breath in

Holding the breath in my chest
just for a few seconds

I breath out
Slowly with a sigh
and a smile dancing
upon my lips.

Suddenly a thought in my head
You never smelt this good!

North East South West

Northern Lights
Southern Days

Eastern Promises

Western Delights

Which way do I head?

Which road should I take?

Which path do I follow?

Where will I make my bed?

I remember

I remember so many things about you.

I remember your voice.
But! I never heard it say goodbye.

I remember your smile.
But! I won't see that again.

I remember your eyes
But! I never saw them when you walked out of my life.

I remember the last words you said to me as you walked away
"Sorry I have to take this call".

I remember so many things about you.
I am just having trouble separating my pain from the hurt.

14th of November 1970 - 36 yrs

1970

14th of November.

36 years ago

my mother gave birth.

36 years ago

I was born.

36 years ago

I was rejected

(for not being a son).

14th November 1970

13 years from that day

I was told

I was not wanted

36 yers ago

They couldn't look at me.

36 years later

we don't speak.

He doesn't want me

Her palm is across the top of her glass
She rests her head onto her perfectly manicured hand
As her girlfriends gather around
And with eyes fullof tears
That would remind you of a misty morn
She simply whispers
Choking back the tears
"He doesn't want me"

Pain

Hot pooling tears
Spill
From
Her eyes

She sits
In
Pain

Every moment
She
Makes
Causes
Discomfort

Purple
Blue
Red
Black

The colours
Bloom
Over
Her body

She stands up
Wiping the tears
From
Her
Eyes

And wonders
Is it
Worth
Saving this
Relationship

Writers block

Do I get writers block
Because I am feeling dead inside?



Do I get writers block
Because I am afraid to express what I am feeling inside?



Do I get writers block
Because I won't let people know me and understand who I am?



Do I get writers block
Because I simply can't think of anything to write?

Green eyed monster

He questions who you are
Jealousy in his eyes
I explain that you are a friend
His eyes narrow
His face questions
Though no words are spoken
He says it's fine
I am allowed friends
As if giving me permission
But I can tell that he is not happy
As he is deceived by his voice

Between the lines

Time moves forward
I stay still
Memories linger
Smiles danced
Moments remembered
Infectious laugh
The sound of your voice
Happiness gained
Simply friends
Over now
Nasty parting

Outward Appearance

I mourn yet I rejoice
Iweep yet I smile.

The Ending

There was something so sad in your face
Your eyes no longer contain their sparkle
I no longer dance in them.

You tell me it's over between us
Hot tears
Collect in my eyes

I look like I have a rain kissed face
As the tears spill forth,
Uncontrollably

Sorrow and pain in my heart
Replaces the love and joy
Held there minutes ago

You reach out to me,
I pull back,
No longer wanting the hands that once loved me
To touch me

I stand up, turn and walk away
You will never know I still love you
Even now, this very day.